Chuck Norris Probably Ruined 'Expendables 2' by Making It PG-13

January 18, 2012


Using an interview with Polish TV (via) to bolster a legend he has thus far used mostly to shill for addictive games and home gyms, Chuck Norris sat down with interviewer Bartek Węglarczyk and called himself The Expendables 2's "superhero," a man repeatedly called upon to save such fellow action giants as Stallone, Schwarzenegger, and Bruce Willis. The duster-clad Norris was sounding like the bad-ass of bad-asses, a man whose wacko political endorsements would be worth overlooking to get a better view of his roundhouse kicks, but then ol' Chuck made the mistake of mentioning that his latest intense battle involved making sure The Expendables sequel would be a family film.

Explaining his Kirk Cameron-like philosophy of never playing a character who does not behave identically to himself, Norris discussed how he did not at all care for all the effing and blinding in The Expendables 2. Chuck Norris doesn't curse, so why would Chuck Norris's character curse? It just didn't make sense to Chuck Norris. So, leveraging his star power and rumored supernatural power, he made them take out all those naughty words--and apparently all the blood, too?--and now the film is PG-13. Said the Texas Ranger:

"On Expendables 2, they had a lot of hard language in there that would prevent young people from going to see it, and I said, 'I don't do movies like that ... If you can't take out all the hardcore language, then I can't do it. And so, they did, and they made it a PG-13 film so kids can go see it."

Look, Chuck Norris. I get that you don't like cussing. And I know that one isn't supposed to disparage Chuck Norris's name on his holy land of the internet. But, Walker, that sounds like some serious fucking bullshit.

Still, all hope for an R-rated Expendables 2 might not be lost. There's always the chance Jean-Claude Van Damme will push the rating--his way...

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