New Releases: Fassbender Assault, Vampires, Planes, and Other Things Newly in Theaters

January 20, 2012


Your new wide releases:

Director: Steven Soderbergh
Starring: Gina Carano, Ewan McGregor, Michael Fassbender, Channing Tatum, Antonio Banderas
Good if you want to see: the former American Gladiator known as "Crush" beating the shit out of some dudes.

Underworld: Awakening
Director: Måns Mårlind, Björn Stein
Starring: Kate Beckinsale, Michael Ealy, India Eisley
Good if you want to see: a vinyl-clad Kate Beckinsale jumping/sliding around shooting pistols again. Because she's a vampire, and vampires do that?

Red Tails
Director: Anthony Hemingway
Starring: Cuba Gooding Jr., Terence Howard, Nate Parker, David Oyelowo, Major Dad
Good if you want to see: the story of some of WWII's African-American heroes, the Tuskegee Airmen. But, man, have you seen that TV spot with the "How do you like that, Mr. Hitler" bit? That does not look very good.

Coriolanus (limited)
Director: Ralph Fiennes
Starring: Ralph Fiennes, Gerard Butler, Vanessa Redgrave
Good if you want to see: Shakespeare's tragedy about Roman leader Caius Marcius Coriolanus, at last given the dignity of involving Jennifer Aniston's love interest from Bounty Hunter.

The Flowers of War (limited)
Director: Yimou Zhang
Starring: Christian Bale, Ni Ni, Zhang Xinyi
Good if you want to see: the harrowing story of the Nanking Massacre--but now fucking BATMAN is involved.

Crazy Horse (limited)
Director: Frederick Wiseman
Good if you want to see: a look inside Paris's Le Crazy Horse, a famed cabaret where you can totally see nips.

Carol Channing: Larger Than Life (limited)
Director: Dori Berinstein
Good if you want to see: a look at the life of Carol Channing. Really, though, it's probably more entertaining to just watch this and scream.

The Front Line (limited)
Director: Jang Hun
Starring: Shin Ha-Kyun, Ko Soon, Kim Ok-Vin
Good if you want to see: South Korea's official Oscar contender, a look at the front lines during the final days of the Korean War, back before the South Korean front line became the Terran forces fighting off invading Zerg armies.

Ultrasuede: In Search of Halston
Director:Whitney Smith
Good if you want to see: a documentary on the famed '70s fashion designer who went by just "Halston," because admittedly that is kind of a cool thing to go by.

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