'Star Wars: Episode I' 3D Commercial Finds New Ways of Making 'Phantom Menace' More Childishly Asinine

February 2, 2012


If you thought the writing in The Phantom Menace couldn't possibly get any less subtle, wait until you hear the voice-over in this new featurette intended to lure excitable children in to see the Star Wars prequel in 3D.

At last updating the prequel to the vision George Lucas always intended, the minute-and-a-half commercial piles atop the layers of CGI an omniscient voice--perhaps The Force itself, if The Force is meant to sound like a cartoon character with sunglasses and a skateboard--guiding the characters with such useful, shouted wisdom as "hurry up, Qui-Gon," "maybe [Darth Maul] should keep the hood on, just a suggestion," and, "chill out, R2!"

For all who saw Darth Maul's double-bladed lightsaber and thought, "Hey, that's not fair!", you now have a cool-guy voice:

Now, wait a minute, faceless voice. Is it "every kind of droid" or just "lots of them"? Let's not enthusiastically yell promises we can't keep.


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