Though it's been almost twenty years since the heyday of the Garbage Pail Kids, the trading stickers' grotesque legend remains faded but frustratingly affixed to the bannister in Michael Eisner's mind, so he's going to make a movie about those guys.
According to Deadline, the former Disney head's Tornante Company is arranging to finance and produce a feature film based on the Topps trading card/sticker line that Eisner bought back in 2007 in apparent anticipation of a sudden Cabbage Patch Kids revival creating demand for gross-out Cabbage Patch Kid parodies. That big revival never quite happened, but still Eisner remains determined to use his purchase, always moving forward, like Clark Shark. Already Eisner has hired PES, whose stop-motion animation of surrealist guacamole we admired last week, to direct the film from a script by Michael Vukadinovich.
Of course, as children of the '80s and masochistic Netflix subscribers well know, this will not be the first time the card line will be reaching theaters. As is the spirit of the Garbage Pail Kids being undesirable mutations of an earlier, already-grotesque form, this film will be a remake of an earlier, universally-detested adaptation: a 1987, live-action Garbage Pail Kids movie that for some reason thought musical numbers might diffuse how unbelievably disturbing it was to see the stickers realized as wide-eyed living dolls. It didn't work:
You can do anything by working with each other, PES and Michael Vukadinovich. Now Michael Eisner would like it if you somehow make the Garbage Pail Kids into a lucrative, relevant franchise, please.