Nightmarish 'Avatar' Reborn Baby: Someone Invited This into Their Home

March 5, 2012


The love between man and Avatar, already consummated through James Cameron triumphantly deflowering audiences of over $2.7 billion, has at last manifested itself in a physical representation: a beautiful, terrifying "reborn" infant.

Hand-painted by eBay user tinytoesnursery15 to one-up Avatar tattoo guy as the most repulsively-misguided showing of Avatar fandom, this tiny infant is a one-of-a-kind chance to hold a baby whose haunting bluish hue does not mean you've hugged yet another one with too much love. As you can see in the photos, the doll has been given a short braid, a tuft of hair, a BeDazzling of rhinestones, yellow eyes, and, as per the seller's description, "THE BODY A TIGHT FIT AND A SLENDER AS THE AVATAR IS VERY SLIM." So authentic!

avatar-reborn-baby.jpgThough purists should take note, there are some inaccuracies beyond being labeled a baby Avatar: "AS SHE IS A HUMANOID VERSION OF THE AVATAR SHE HAS 5 FINGERS AND 5 TOES ON EACH HAND AND FOOT." Also, "SHE WILL WEAR ONLY A DIAPER WHICH I HAVE MADE FOR HER," because Baby Avatar is very finicky. Still, these are minor quibbles when you consider the joy of holding a HUMANOID VERSION OF THE AVATAR newborn in your arms, imagining it's your own, the product of a night of unbridled passion between Na'vi (AVATAR) and yourself, a tiny blue body that will one day grow to become an ambassador of peace between two peoples. It can also "BE USED FOR A PROP," just in case James Cameron is trying to save on CGI. "HER HEAD DOES TURN"!!!

Unfortunately, I come to you too late with this unique opportunity. She has already been sold for the bargain basement price of $165, likely to someone who thought it was funny but will now be forced to forever explain why AVATAR BABY exists, in a specially-made diaper. Hopefully, whoever the winning bidder is, they will be smart enough to also purchase these lifelike hands, from the same seller, to display their prize. As they say, an AVATAR BABY is only as beautiful as the gnarled, desperate hands angrily grasping at it.


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