Ever wanted a painting of a scornful Red Skull hanging in your bathroom, silently judging your poops? Well, now you can, for just an estimated $200 to $300! The above painting is just one of many extremely nerdy items Marvel has up for auction online and in-person at the upcoming Chicago Comic & Entertainment Expo. Also up for auction:
Ancient kneeling Norse warrior statue from Norwegian church. Class up your lawn by showing that Scandinavian fighters revere you, to hell with neighborhood ordinances. ($400 - $600)
Johann Schmidt Hero SS costume. the quickest, most movie-accurate way to give all passersby a rightfully-disgusted idea of your ideologies. Not for Hasidic neighborhoods, please. ($6,000 - $8,000)
Stunt rubber trash can lid used by Steve Rogers. When you next bludgeon someone with a trash can lid, have them screaming with laughter when they realize it's just rubber this time. This time... ($200 - $300)
Loud Jerk in movie theater costume. Why just be a loud jerk in a movie theater when, for $200 - $300, you could be the Loud Jerk in the movie theater? You have no answer for that.
"Decoy" Cosmic Cube. When co-workers ask what that 3 ¾ sq. in. paperweight is, now you can tell them you paid between $1,000 and $1,500 for it.
Pair of "Howard Stark Showgirl" costumes. Don't just go all Slave Leia at your nerd orgy. Everyone does that. Get a little esoteric with two (2) showgirl costumes from Howard Stark's Hover Car demonstration at the World Expo. ($200 - $300)
Howard Stark hero World Expo tuxedo costume. Dress a mannequin in it. Get married in it. Spill a tray of spaghetti on it. Die in it. The choice is yours for $400 - $600.
Collection of four (4) syringes from Rebirth Lab sequence. No more sharing prop needles. Goodbye, prop AIDS. ($200 - $300)
Large collection of license plates. A pile of fake license plates "likely used during the thrilling Steve Rogers and Kruger taxi chase sequence." If they weren't, just sell them off when your local T.G.I.Friday's is looking to redecorate.
Steve Rogers' prosthetic feet for barefoot chase of Heinz Kruger. Have a room that needs the presence of more feet? I think I have the solution. Or, wear them during crimes and leave confusingly-smooth tracks. The Barefoot Bandit isn't barefoot at all, you dumb pigs. ($300 - $500)
Captain America USO hero suit. Put on your own USO show for your friends! They already don't respect you, so what could it hurt? ($4,000 - $6,000)
Captain America complete hero suit. The real deal: the full costume Chris Evans wears when he becomes the superhero known as Captain America. Put it on. Feel his strength. See if maybe now they'll remember your order at Starbucks. ($20,000 - $30,000)
Hero resin Captain America shield. Show off your Captain America fandom by displaying the battle-worn shield of the hero. Finally cover up the fuse box like your wife has been nagging you about. ($4,000 - $6,000)
Stunt Mjölnir hammer from Thor. Thor's mighty weapon, now at your disposal. "Yow, I hit my thumb! Just kidding," you'll jest, knowing that joke would have never played with a normal-sized hammer. ($4,000 - $6,000)
Original full-scale screen-used Mark II "Autopsy" suit from Iron Man 2. This is a premium item. It's been touched by Don Cheadle. ($60,000 - $80,000)
See the rest of the items for bid--such as small, hundred-dollar pouches of peanuts--in the full listing. Bid smart. Don't buy the hover tires. They won't hover, and then your garage just has more tires in it.