Tom Cruise Might Be in 'A Star Is Born' Remake

March 9, 2012


Beyoncé's scion expelled and already prepared to challenge Willow Smith for nepotistic radio dominance, Beyoncé herself can get back to the business of being an actress now--which is good news for Clint Eastwood, who has been wanting to direct her in a remake of A Star Is Born but did not want that remake to be a pregnancy fetish film. Now Eastwood just needs someone to play an elder singer/songwriter to mentor Beyoncé character's rising star, and having given the last Mission: Impossible the stern grimace that indicates his approval, Eastwood is reportedly considering Tom Cruise for the part.

According to Deadline, Cruise is in talks to follow-up his role as Rock of Ages singer Stacee Jaxx with another part as a singer, this one a fallen-from-grace drunk who takes Beyoncé on as a protégée. Leonardo DiCaprio is said to have already turned down the part, and Will Smith, Christian Bale, Jon Hamm, Robert Downey Jr., Russell Crowe, and even Eminem were rumored as choices for the role. But to Eastwood's jaded squint, any forty-something guy looks the same as the next, so Tom Cruise is just as good as anyone else.

The only problem is, Tom Cruise is also just as good as anyone else for several other projects he's already committed to. He's meant to play a 6'5" Army cop, a futuristic soldier of fortune, and a drone repairman, and he's more than likely going on another impossible mission. O, why aren't there specialized Tom Cruise clones to take on all these many tasks? And why isn't that itself a Tom Cruise movie for one of our Cruise clones? We'll have to wait and see if the scheduling can somehow work out, or if Eastwood will have to instead crudely, angrily gesture at whatever other middle-aged guy next crosses his path.

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