Natalie Portman To Defend Home and Husband from Outlaw Jerks

May 22, 2012

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Natalie Portman is attached to produce and star in Jane Got a Gun, a Western written by Brian Duffield that narrowly avoids the need to pay Aerosmith any licensing fees.

The script last year made the Black List of the best un-produced scripts, and We Need To Talk About Kevin's Lynne Ramsay is already attached to direct. Portman would play wife of an outlaw who returns home all shot to gosh by the very outlaw gang he thought was composed of his best outlaw friends. Knowing those former best outlaw friends will soon come to finish the job, Portman's character looks to help from an ex-lover--which probably upsets her husband, as he is likely already annoyed that, like, all her close guy friends are dudes she slept with, but what is he going to do about that now that he's all crumpled up and dying? Look, man, you knew her history when you married her, and now you're full of bullets, so it's time to become secure in yourself and your love, and it's also time to help string some paint cans up to the bannister, because you have a home to protect, and Home Alone methods seem as good as any. A gun will probably work, too.

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