Horny Teddy Bear and Stripping Dudes Triumph in Sexually-Depraved Weekend

July 2, 2012

ted-trailer.jpg

Your weekend box office:

1. Ted - $54.1 million. Apparently Mark Wahlberg is more appealing paired with a CGI bear than with Will Ferrell, Leonardo DiCaprio, killer trees, or basically anyone or anything besides super-intelligent apes.

2. Magic Mike - A higher-than-expected $39.2 million. Just imagine the hugely-profitable, Avengers-like stripper team-up movie possibilities, if only Elizabeth Berkley weren't kind of old now.

3. Brave - $34 million, bravely not allowed Madea to squeeze her lumpy, padded form into the top three.

4. Madea's Witness Protection - Tyler Perry's $26.4 million, giving Tyler Perry his fourth biggest opening and, in his mind, more than justifying the fact that he covered up all of Eugene Levy's remaining dignity with a goofy Frenchman costume.

5. Madagascar 3 - $11.8 million. Interspecies sexuality just wasn't sexually-depraved enough for this hedonistic weekend.

Weekend Box Office Results [Box Office Mojo]

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