'Spider-Man' Viewer Sleeps Through Film, Becomes Spider-Man, Attacks Children

July 11, 2012

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Providing the new Spider-Man movie one more mixed review, a 42-year-old Amazing Spider-Man audience member was earlier this week arrested after snoring through the majority of the film, then climbing around like a spider and punching a kid in the back of the head.

The incident reportedly happened at a Regal Cinemas in Sonora, CA, where a man identified as Juan Martinez, witnesses say, had been snoring through the majority of the superhero movie. But it seems the dude-turning-into-a-spider lessons imparted in the film were not wasted on slumbering ears, as when Martinez awakened, he is said to have "started climbing over theater chairs, 'like a spider.'" Less like a spider, he then allegedly punched a 12-year-old boy in the back of the head, and, when confronted by the boy's mother, moved on to chasing around a nine-year-old girl until vocal protests from fellow audience members drove him out of the theater--assumedly more like a grown man fleeing a felony conviction than like a spider.

Now facing criminal charges for willful cruelty to a child, Martinez claims to have no knowledge of his actions, blaming the whole thing on "sleep walking." However, Sonora Police Chief Mark Stinson claims Martinez is a "carnival worker," which really sounds like a far more plausible explanation.

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