Well, This Looks Terrible: 'Empires of the Deep' Trailer Announces China's 'Waterworld'

October 24, 2012

empires-of-the-deep-trailer.jpg

Reportedly the self-written, self-produced "dream project" of a Chinese real estate tycoon, whose dream was apparently to make a terrible-looking maritime adventure as miserably budgeted as Waterworld, Empires of the Deep is said to have cost $130 million and three years of effort, all to make something that looks like a dramatic cutscene to an underwater screensaver.

The film was originally set to star Monica Bellucci, with mononymous director Pitof at the helm, but Pitof quickly left the project, finding greater closure in leaving Catwoman and the TV movie Fire and Ice as the entirety of his résumé for this decade. Bellucci exited too--when the director of Catwoman is quietly backing out is generally considered a good time to leave--and now the finished film comes directed by Michael French (director of such dragon-y things as Heart of a Dragon and Taming the Dragon) and starring former Bond girl Olga Kurylenko with a shell on her head. It does not look very good. Some things just can't be saved by money nor poorly-rendered crab-men.

It's the filthy SeaWorld tank of underwater spectaculars!

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