'Pompeii' Teaser Covered in Ash, Abs

August 22, 2013


From somewhere the vast sea of CGI between Titanic and Armageddon, a new vision of star-crossed romance and expensive disaster effects has washed up in Pompeii. Directed by Alien Vs. Predator director Paul W.S. Anderson--a man unafraid of vastly negative comparisons to thematically similar James Cameron films--the movie is scheduled for an inauspicious February opening, and stars Game of Thrones' Kit Harrington. He plays a slave trying to save his best friend/gladiator and secret girlfriend Emily Browning from the impending eruption of Mount Vesuvius. As hinted by this first teaser, he will do so by making this movie look as much as possible like if Roland Emmerich made 300.

So what's the "greatest secret" then? That Kiefer Sutherland is still hoping to hide that he's in this?

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