'First Phone Call from Heaven' Movie Will Actually Be About That

March 26, 2014

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Warner Bros. has reportedly bought the film rights to The First Phone Call From Heaven, an inspiring novel about a town where dead people keep calling but it isn't terrifying for some reason. The Five People You Meet In Heaven author Mitch Albom wrote the tale as a way to expand his made-up elucidation of the afterlife. It concerns a pilot named Sully who is, confusingly, not the pilot Sully everyone knows about. This pilot Sully is disgraced, and returns to his Michigan town after prison to find that phones are ringing off the hook with calls purporting to be from Heaven itself. Sully hopes to disprove those claims, because he does not realize that God loves us and wants to use our monthly minutes to tell us how great being an angel is.

The news rides in on the angelic wings of a bunch of other pandering Christian films, coming in behind a Left Behind remake and a Heaven Is for Real adaptation that are set to follow in the church group-driven success of Son of God and God's Not Dead. Our next Bibical flood is here, and it's a deluge of cloying films about white people validating Christianity.

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