'Ted 2' Trailer Arrives, Promptly Douses Self in Semen

January 29, 2015

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Here's the trailer for Ted 2, the film that is to comedy what sperm donation is to orgasms--turning an enjoyable diversion into a publicly-released chore that reveals man's most revolting, testosterone-driven output. Also, you know, how both apparently take place in a fertility clinic.

The film sees Seth MacFarlane's crude, beige answer to Hobbes now married and looking to have a child. Due to his being a stuffed bear, that means a couple complications. Firstly, his friend Mark Wahlberg needs to provide the semen and the first of assumedly so many dick jokes. Secondly--in a legal twist that's like the opposite of why it ends up being fine for Air Bud to play high school basketball--Ted needs to prove that he's real person in a court of law or the state won't grant him the Wahlsperm. It's like Miracle on 34th Street, but with a bear, and desperately provocative!

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