Oh, Hi, Abe: Tommy Wiseau Would Like To Play Lincoln in a Slavery Film, But First He'll Win Some Emmys

May 29, 2015

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Once a slave to Lisa's seductions, emotionally shackled to his lover even when she was tearing him apart like the Civil War-era United States, Tommy Wiseau now says he'd like to deal with slavery more literally with a movie on the subject.

"I want to actually do a movie about slavery, in New Orleans," he told Fusion (via). "To go back to the history and present the way it was." Though slavery may be a dark spot we'd all like to simply never mention again, Wiseau is not going to let us treat it like a mother-in-law treats breast cancer. And naturally, since he already has the experience going out with a bullet to the brain, Wiseau would probably play the Great Emancipator himself in the movie.

"I think I'd like to play Lincoln," Wiseau said (without specifying if that would happen in his slavery film). "There was actually a movie about him, but I don't know how good they did the job. He was the person I remember from history who was very visualized"--but never yet visualized with several gratuitous, candle-filled sex scenes with Mary Todd. Perhaps that was Spielberg's misstep.

Of course, while a slavery drama seems just as likely to get made as anything else that Wiseau somehow gets made, it's unclear where this project fits on the filmmaker's bizarre itinerary. Wiseau is already juggling several other inexplicable footballs--among them, a vampire movie, something called The Foreclosure, and a Broadway production of The Room he mentions in this same interview ("Not Off-Broadway. You know the difference; I don't have to educate you"). Plus, he still has a contract with Hulu to finish a 12-episode run of his sitcom, The Neighbors.

Episodes five and six of Neighbors were just recently released, and as Wiseau went on to explain, those had to be rushed out by last Tuesday. Because that's the minimum number of episodes he needed to qualify for the Emmys.

Wiseau submitted himself and a few co-stars in the comedy acting categories, and also put the show in for Outstanding Comedy Series, Outstanding Directing for a Comedy Series, Outstanding Writing for a Comedy Series, and, somehow even less likely, Outstanding Choreography.

"If [the Emmys] can recognize at least one thing, I'll be happy camper," Wiseau said. What a day that would be.

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