British Board of Film Classification Forced To Watch 10 Hours of Paint Drying, Deems 'Suitable for All'

January 26, 2016


Stating what we've suspected all along but have been too afraid of ourselves to confirm, the British Board of Film Classification has made official that watching paint drying is not sexually alluring. The news comes thanks to Charlie Lyne, who, "in a protest against censorship and mandatory classification," crowd-funded nearly £6,000 for the costs of submitting a ten-hour movie of a freshly-painted wall (above) to the BBFC. By requirement, the BBFC watched all ten hours, across two days (they can apparently only watch nine hours a day), and gave the film a U rating (basically a U.S. "G"), saying it has "no material likely to offend or harm." 2016's Paint Drying is a treat for all ages.

In fairness to the BBFC, though, despite being a costly hindrance to a small production in the UK, they are nowhere near as terrible nor obtuse as the sex-loathing maniacs at the MPAA. Here's what they had to tell Mashable on their viewing a brick wall of paint slowly congealing:

The BBFC will classify the film as it would any other submission. With regards to the motives behind making the film (as a protest against censorship and fees for classification), the BBFC was set up in 1912 by the film industry itself, as an independent body to bring a degree of uniformity to the classification of film nationally.

The BBFC is a non-profit organisation that works to protect children, from content which might raise harm risks and to empower the public, especially parents, to make informed viewing choices. It implements Classification Guidelines that reflect changing social attitudes towards media content through proactive public consultation and research.

The BBFC respects the principle of adult free choice, but will still intervene where required by the law or where in our view there is a credible harm risk. Both the free choice principle and these limited exceptions are supported by the public, and also reflect our statutory duties.

The BBFC's income is derived solely from the fees it charges for its services, calculated by measuring the running time of films, DVDs/videos and other works submitted for classification. Film makers wishing to show their films at cinemas in the UK without a BBFC certificate may do so with permission from the local authority for the area in which the cinema is located.

Watching grass grow remains possibly arousing.

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