Kevin James Selects Next Improbably Attractive Bride

February 25, 2016

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Kevin James, our King of Queens, has selected his next unusually good-looking bride to somberly serve beside him. As heralded by The Hollywood Reporter, our stocky monarch's next unduly beautiful wife will be Childrens Hospital star Erinn Hayes. She shall succeed Leah Remini, Jayma Mays, Maria Bello, Rosario Dawson, and, christ, Salma Hayek in grinning and bearing a love interest role in a Kevin James vehicle. Hayes will reportedly sit beside James at CBS, the comically destitute land where Paul Blart is reclaiming his throne after a nine-year absence. She'll play the thankless job of too-pretty wife and mother on a new family sitcom that sees James playing a newly-retired cop now able to spend more time with his family. CBS, you've done it again!

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