Who among us can say they haven't wished to pick up Daniel Radcliffe's limp, lifeless corpse and toss it around like a rag doll as it vomits water, blindly chops at logs, and farts out tweets among a pile of skin mags? Sadly, the actor remains alive, and it would be difficult to murder him and then do all those things. But, thankfully, like a Grand Theft Auto for the severely disturbed Harry Potter detractor, a little game will now grant us our darkest illegal Radcliffe fantasies.
Just head over to the official site for Swiss Army Man, the bizarre comedy about Paul Dano using Radcliffe's dead body for both companionship and utility on a deserted island. There, a little 3D Radcliffe model will be dropped into your browser, and you can use your cursor to lurch and heave him around, letting out all the frustrations about your childhood that you've channeled into fury at a boy wizard. Typing the terms blowtorch, cannon, canteen, compass, cramp, dreams, Friday, knifehand, and radio will reveal additional items and abilities, and poking him in the stomach will make him fart tweets about the film. Obviously.
Nothing will truly simulate the ecstatic feeling of the Lady in Black star's cold skin against your own as your hands puppeteer him and, at last, you feel the sense of control you've so long been lacking. But, you know, it's sort of fun if you want a distraction from work for a few minutes.
Check it out here.