March 01, 2006
Upset by the current Hollywood offerings, John Travolta has now said that he's written a romantic comedy that he will star in, possibly alongside Olivia Newton-John. The star added that he plans to sing the theme song and that "fans will love it." It's still unclear if he means fans of washed-up actors or fans of butchered theme songs.
The last time I remember Travolta getting so involved with a production was in Battlefield Earth, which he produced. If this film succeeds in being even half-as-good as that, it will still be the worst movie ever made.
The Silent Hill poster contest has ended, the votes have been tallied, and the we've got the winner. It's not bad compared to the other options, but when you've got the likes of a freak with a pyramid head and a flesh apron, hauling around a bloody child, there's no reason to show anything else on a poster. You've got your poster boy right there. Just showing the sign is like advertising Showgirls with a map of Las Vegas: accurate, yet ignoring the most interesting elements.
Through the sheer power of the human spirit, I hoped I could will away the Larry the Cable Guy movie. But since it's still coming out, you should check out the trailer. It's full of all of the inane bullshit you'd expect, plus Buster from Arrested Development, Biff from Back to the Future, and a rabbi for whatever reason. Despite all of its obvious shortcomings, what bothers me most is that the title tells us that Larry has two professions. I refuse to think of him as such a jack-of-all-trades. At least when he's just installing cable I know how to avoid him.
Over at Cineactual, someone's played with the newly released image of Spider-Man, coloring in some parts of the eye-piece to reveal something sort of like the mask of Green Goblin. Of course if this reflection is accurate, it would mean the villain was located in Spider-Man's crotch.
It seems to me that this might be reading too much into the image. You can see a lot of things if you look hard enough at any vague shapes, especially if you color them, but it doesn't mean anyone believes they're real. Unless you're on LSD, in which case you will insist they're real, even after all your friends tell you that it doesn't make sense that the Devil would fly down from a cloud, disguised as a gentleman kitten, trying to whip you with a rainbow.
An informant for The Arnold Fans tells the website that if Schwarzenegger does not serve a second term at governor, Warner Brothers wants him for another Conan sequel:
I can't say much but Jeff Robinov is definitely hoping that Arnold looses[sic] the race for a 2nd term as governor so he can make his place back into feature films with KING CONAN. The film might not even be called KING CONAN anymore and instead go back to CONAN THE CONQUEROR. The title KING CONAN sounds like a finale and that's not what Warner Bros. wants.
If Arnold looses the next term, the WB wants the new Conan epic shooting on a grueling gorilla schedule around the clock starting March 2007 for a December 2007 release date.
Besides this film, another good reason for Arnold to not win a second term is that it's completely absurd that Arnold Schwarzenegger is leading a portion of our country. I realize this is a little after-the-fact, but seriously, how did this happen? Didn't anyone see Pumping Iron? Unless an army of cyborgs from the future are attacking, I'm really not sure he's qualified for any of this. But if an army of sentient learning computers ever do attack, thank God he's on our side.
First I thought the X-Men: The Last Stand makeup and costumes looked a little questionable. Now, I just kind of feel bad. It looks like someone's mom made this, then wanted a quick picture in the living room before he goes out trick-or-treating. I hope you get some king sizes, bud.