May 01, 2006

Sentinels Revealed in X-Men 3

It's been long rumored that X-Men: The Last Stand would finally include the famous X-men villain, the giant, mutant-hunting robot Sentinels. Now, after months of anticipation, a clip shown by Hugh Jackman on the Tonight Show finally has our answer: yes, X-men 3 does have awful dialogue and effects.

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James Bond Casino Royale Teaser Poster

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If you've been saving a spot on your bedroom wall between the album art to Dark Side of the Moon and a busty girl covered in suds, wait no longer--the poster to Casino Royale has arrived. I understand this is a prequel, but again, did they have to revert to a pre-humanoid Bond for this one? In this particular shot, our simian hero has reached a rather dramatic point of the game, placing his gun on the line, when he's tragically distracted by an exceptionally large banana. "Wha-what is that?" he mutters, nearly dropping his cards. The fully-evolved villain Le Chiffre grins. "They don't call it Casino Royale for having small bananas, Bond."

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Monster House Trailer

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Now at Apple, you can see the trailer for what's sure to be the next big CG animated kids sensation, the Steven Spielberg and Robert Zemeckis produced Monster House. I would have thought Zemeckis would have learned from The Polar Express that creating semi-realistic CG humans just ends up looking creepy and lifeless, their dead, soulless eyes staring expectantly at you, reminding you of the child you lost through that night of prenatal binge drinking. Would you have been so careless that night had her eyes stared into yours so deeply, begging to feel the sweet kiss of daylight, if even just once? I can't answer that for you, drunky.

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Just My Luck Trailer

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Just my luck! The trailer for Lindsey Lohan's bad luck/good luck story Just My Luck is online! And just my luck--I'll never have to see any more of this horrible movie again!

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The Assassination of Jesse James Trailer

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If you can stop yourself from reading about Brangelina for two minutes, you can catch the first half of the clever name fusion starring in the teaser trailer for The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. While you'll get a sense of the feel of the film, don't expect to hear any lines from the man himself. The teaser bravely avoids any speaking parts from the actor, relying entirely on his star power and his signature icy stare of a child molester.

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Pathfinder Trailer

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If you wanted The Jungle Book to be more like Conan the Barbarian, you're in luck. Take a look at the trailer for the action/adventure Pathfinder, the story of a young Viking boy, accidentally abandoned in a raid against the Native Americans, who is then raised as one of their own. When the native village is destroyed in a Viking raid, the adopted Norseman, now an adult, rises up with his surrogate family to fight the Viking menace, finally ending the long-standing bar argument of who would beat who in a fight, Vikings or Native Americans. And the winner is Joe Weinberg, who successfully predicted, "Fine, maybe Native Americans, but only if they've got at least one Viking on their side."

Geeks hoping this would be a Pathfinder film based on the Mars rover will have to continue their Lego version if they hope to see such a thing.

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